Need help…
I need critical review help, friends. Am writing the blurb for the back cover for print (and for the Amazon print and e-description) of A Thousand Glass Flowers.
What would make you pick up the book and read it?
By the way, the image below is something I dragged out to illustrate the blog post. It could as easily have been any number of the illustrations I’ve used in the past. The cover is currently in design and is NOTHING like below and won’t be shown until pre-publicity begins at the beginning of August.
Anyway, here’s my effort.
Glass Flowers blurb
Hidden charms. Words of wisdom whispered on a welkin wind. A race to beat death.
Two people… one an extraordinary young woman, the other an embittered immortal man… Both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate life.
In an ominous quest through a world where spine-tingling Others lace their way in and out of the lives of mortals, this is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. A story of murder, of regret and revenge… a story that journeys across a world too hauntingly like our own.
The illustrations, first of all. Which would entice me into the lovely writing. Not sure this helps; I love elegant writing, but the visual is the initial seduction.
And your writing is elegant.
Fitzg, thanks so much for being so quick in reply.
I’m relying totally on the designer for the cover. What she has so far is brilliant… but its like a jigsaw and she’s putting the pieces together with great empathy for the story.
I tend to steer clear of the standard ‘fantasy’ cover of mages, swords, strange landscapes etc. Because ATGF has been described as a form of ‘magical realism’… it has to be ‘marvellous’ (as that term applies to fantasy) but ‘real’ at the same time.
The blurb on the back is the second most important thing, which is why I need help. Would the above entice you? Or would you think… ‘well yeah… but what does that really say about what’s inside?’ and put it back on the shelf.
Well, for a start Prue, just the title would make me pick it up to investigate further! I love it. I think your blurb is great, too. It’s not too wordy; the words you have chosen are powerful and right to the point. Potential readers can tell right off that it’s a fantasy story. It’s vague enough to grasp interest – just enough info to not deceive. I say go with it.
Oh thank you, Nikalee. I’ll wait and see what else is said, but I have a feeling the cover design will be breathtaking and the title I owe to a very famous Australian fantasy writer, Cecilia Dart Thornton, who actually suggested it on Facebook. When I offered it to the London editor, she loved it and so it became ATGF.
PS: Hope your pregnancy goes well.
Thanks Prue. Just struggling with the sickness phase right now!
first…Nikalee, God bless you. Morning sickness is the pits and I totally empathize with you.
OK Mes. You know me…I love the artwork! That’s what catches my eye everytime I pick up a book. Your blurb is extremely succint and enticing! This is exciting!!!
One thought…”Both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate life.” Should that be more specific? Whose life? What life?
Excellent point, NB.
‘…both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate Life.’
‘…both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate life as they know it.’
‘…both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate their world.’
Need cake designed for launch!!!!
A ‘virtual’ cake obviously.
The cover and title are the first things that catch my eye. The title of your book is enticing enough, add to that a gorgeous cover and your elegant blurb… Oh I Love it!
Summer, you are always one happy customer. I can’t wait for you to read it and review.
The lives of Others and mortals intertwine in an ominous quest for hidden spells that contain the power to annihilate life. This is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. A story of murder, of regret and revenge that journeys across a hauntingly familiar landscape.
Thanks for the ideas, Resabi.
Oops, sorry. The first half of my comment went astray. I prefer the third, more descriptive blurb. Fiddle a bit with the words, not sure it helps.
Typically, lovely Batten lyrical prose! =)
My two cents worth: I’d love to see the second paragraph as the opening. It’s more active to me, and throws me straight in. Then (bang) straight to paragraph #3!
… and I love the closing “… too hauntingly like our own”; it draws me in with the idea that all of it’s happening in a place I can certainly relate to.
As for the “annihilate life” question, I personally don’t feel it needs more clarity; in fact, I like that it’s not crystal clear. I assume it means life as they know it … but wonder if this also means it could be life in my world, too …. (ominous music …)
Love the alliteration in para. one, but throwing an arcane word like “welkin” into the mix may be counter-productive. Don’t know many people who would be familiar. An esoteric word in such a small text jumps out at the reader and might deter as many as it entices. The same word in a page of text would be appreciated by some and easily skipped over by the rest.
Love para three. Sounds like a cinema trailer voice-over. Very effective. But for my money would eliminate “A story of murder, of regret and revenge” which seems a little down to Earth compared to the rest.
As you are a top selling title on Kindle, and I value your skills, I am taking on board what you say. ‘Welkin’ wind is a word ‘invented by me… it fits in the world I have built. But on refelction, given that this is a stand-alone and readers may not have read the previous two, you are quite right. By the way, ‘welkin’ is explained in the glossary within the book but obviously no good till you buy it. In the Raj in the book, a welkin wind is known as a ‘kizmet’.
My only concern would be that welkin implies the fantasy that the story is and i find alliteration with ‘k’ words quite hard!!!
Prue, love the cover and most of the blurb, but not ‘welkin wind’. In ancient cosmology, the welkin was the outermost sphere, where the stars were located and where there wouldn’t BE a wind. So, although it sounds like a nice alliterative phrase, it’s meaningless. I definitely would not introduce ‘as they know it’ to ‘life’. This has become virtually a joke phrase (‘the end of life as we know it’), which is not the effect you’re aiming for. Just leave this phrase as it is. I like the final phrase – linking our world with the fantasy world is enticing. I’m not happy with ‘spine-tingling’. It’s a bit of a cliché..
Ann, you and Mark are on the same page and I can see the blurb refining to much purer elemental form. Thank you so much.
The image I’ve used to illustrate the post isn’t the cover, its just something exotic i picked up on Wikimedia Commons. The cover will be an altogether different thing I imagine. Much more graphic and most likely related to the 1000 glass flowers mentioned… its truly in the hands of the designer.
Well, Prue, I nearly love all of it. The artwork is fabulous and would draw me in, so I would rather hope that your real cover wil be exotic and intriguing too. The title? Well I love it, and it would intrigue me and make me investigate further.
I think your blurb is almost perfect. The words are powerful and readers can what type of story it is . I adore the first paragraph with the sole exception of the word ‘welkin.’. I know you’ve said it’s the glossary but you have to get the reader to buy the book first and I feel that while thise anf other unsual words wil be super in the body of the text, perhaps not for the enticement of the blurb. .
I love the’feel’ of the final paragraph, but am undecided about “spine- tingling.” I really don’t know why but for me it jars a little as a description of ‘Others.’ I think the “murder, regret and revenge” is compelling and appropriate for any world. I’m unsure that you need the word “too”.. prefer just “hauntingly like our own.”
I confess that I am very picky.
Hey Prue! This is looking like a great blurb so far … my red-pen finger twitched a couple of times though:
1) as others have mentioned “welkin”, so I won’t go into that;
2) “spine-tingling” as a description of the Others doesn’t quite work for me – are you saying they’re creepy and discomforting or terrifying or both? I just think a different adjective would work better here, or even take out the adj completely – the fact that they’re called “Others” and that verb “lace” (great choice, by the way!) gives a sense of strangeness and creepiness anyway.
3) “too” in the last sentence. Cut it out and the sentence feels a lot stronger, which is especially important as it’s your closer.
And actually, I think I agree with what someone else said about that first paragraph – you could lose it and make the whole thing a lot tighter.
I’d maybe edit it to something like this:
“Two people… one an extraordinary young woman, the other an embittered immortal man. Both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate life. [You could say “forbidden spells” here – it’s a bit more enticing, but I don’t know if the spells are forbidden, so I can’t say for sure that it’s right!]
In an ominous quest through a land where the Others lace their way in and out of the lives of mortals, this is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. A story of murder, of regret and revenge… a story that journeys across a world hauntingly like our own.” [Noticed repetition of “world” in this para, so changed it.]
A few options for that “Others” description … mysterious Others; enigmatic Others; menacing Others. Or change it up slightly “Their quest takes the pair through a land where the menacing presence of the Others laces its way in and out of …”
I was also thinking, maybe take out “ominous” – I’m not sure if a quest can be ominous, maybe ill-fated or arduous or bleak, but more importantly, your brief description of what happens on the quest (the Others, the clashing, murder, etc) gives us a sense of that future threat.
Anyway, I hope that’s of some help, Prue! I LOVE editing work for people, still wish I could work as an editor … maybe I’ll try to do work experience again sometime. Let me know if you have any Qs.
A bit if a cheek to stick my oar in, among such august commentators, but in the hope that something in it might jostle an idea or two loose, here goes..
Long-lost charms. Ancient wisdom, whispered on a witching wind. A race against death itself
A lone and friendless young woman, an embittered immortal man. Both on a desperate quest for hidden spells — spells with the power to wipe every last living thing from the face of the earth.
This is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals, in a world where malevolent Others lace their way in and out of mortal lives. A story of murder, of regret and revenge… a story that journeys across a world too hauntingly like our own.
Giselle, your comment came after I had loaded the three options… but in many ways you are on the same track as the others. I LOVE the words ‘witching wind.’
See what you think about the three above and vote. Remember that my space will be at a premium on the back cover and few words must pack a meaningful punch. There is no flyleaf to read as per the old days.
@ladyj, @clare/gentlewoman/thief… @everyone. Thank you so much for your help. Its interesting that a similarity of opinion is emrging.
So here are my three offerings. PLEASE VOTE EVERYONE!!!!
ATGF Blurb.
Number 1.:
An extraordinary young woman and an embittered immortal man…
Both seek spells that could annihilate Life…
In a quest through a world where Others lace their way in and out of the lives of mortals, this is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. Of murder, regret and a thousand glass flowers.
Number 2.:
Glass flowers. Hidden charms. A race to beat death…
Two people… one an extraordinary young woman, the other an embittered immortal man…
In a quest through a world where Others lace their way in and out of the lives of mortals, this is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. A story of murder, of regret and revenge… a story that journeys across a world hauntingly like our own.
Number 3.:
Two people… one an extraordinary young woman, the other an embittered immortal man… Both seeking hidden spells that could annihilate Life.
In a quest through a world where Others lace their way in and out of the lives of mortals, this is a story of legend, love, and clashing ideals. A story of murder, regret and revenge… a story that journeys across a world hauntingly like our own.
First off, that title would make me pick the book up! Mind if I do some nitpicking inline on the blurb?
I like this opening–it’s intriguing but specific enough to catch interest. One point–I’m not sure I know what a welkin wind is! Would Words of wisdom whispered on the wind work, if this is a word that most people don’t know? (Or I could just be a dork and not know a really common word.)
I don’t think I like the ellipses. Can we be more specific on why the woman is extraordinary? Embittered immortal man totally works, great line. “Seeking spells that could annihilate life” didn’t make sense to me–are they playing with magic that’s hard to control? Are they trying to wipe out life?
I didn’t like “spine tingling”–the phrase is a little too cliche, and I felt like, as a reader, you were telling me how to feel about them–I’d rather pick up the book and discover that for myself. I love “a world too hauntingly like our own” because it tells that this is a fantasy, but parallels our world.
Really nice job, Prue! Have I mentioned I can’t wait to read this? 🙂
I for one vote to bow to mesmered’s own judgement.
Basically, having read all three out loud….. it’s number 3 for me… except now I feel a word in front of Others would finish it, somehow-mysterious comes to mind as someone suggested… because they are.
One other thought- are the spells just hidden or are they lost,forbidden, dangerous, powerful , deliberatley concealed? Not suggesting words to us here, just wondering if ‘hidden’ conveys the nature of these spells?
And, as Giselle says, I bow to your judgement. mesmered. You writing is so-elegant, I think someone e said and that’s so very true.
Kind of hard to top what you put there my dear. The rest’s down to illustration and presentation, I believe.
Blog serendipity, I’ll do the same tomorrow! 😀
OK, my thoughts: maybe a little too generic? I’ll pick it because I read the other books set in Eirie, but a new reader might want to know more… maybe only a sentence or two on what actually happens in the story – without giving away, the ending, of course. Why are those two people looking for hidden spells? Remember the 5W who, what, when, where, why+ how (again, without spoilers, of course, it’s a book blurb)…
Hope this helps (and looking forward to reading it! :-D)
The Arabian Nights has always been a magic setting for me. I love the whole idea. So your cover picture immediately draws me in. The title, as others have said, is magical in itself. You have had so many comments on the blurb by now that it’s hard to add anything. Perhaps of ‘murder, of regret and revenge’ is a bit harsh compared with the delicate, subtle beauty of the rest.
The good thing about this blurb is that it reflects exactly the style and individuality of the book itself. People (such as me) who like this sort of thing will love it.
Thanks Gerry. The cover will be nothing like the wonderful images from past painters that I have used to illustrate the various posts of ATGF. But the idea of The Arabian Nights is implicit in the story. So are glass paperweights and exotic daggers and ‘islamic’ art… the cover is in design currently and I can’t wait to see what eventuates from the design studio. The designer has worked for me before and has great empathy, so here’s hoping. I hope to use some of the illustrations from the blogposts over the past few months in the trailer as they are all from Wikimedia Commons and available.
The reason I used ‘murder, regret and revenge’ is because the story, whilst a love story, is a dark fantasy and in the nature of a blurb needed to show that.
I do so hope that you will like the eventual outcome, blurb, cover, but most essentially the story. Keep visiting!
Dear All,
The final blurb is done and has gone to the designer for the cover. I won’t reveal it until pre-publicity begins but I can’t thank you enough for all the help and support you’ve given me.
Keep visiting… got some great posts coming up!