Concupiscence or lack of…
Writing a novel in a historical timeframe that is acceptable to readers is perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But even harder, both in my fantasy writing and in my hist.fict/hist romance writing, is the narrating of a credible love scene.
I’ve been known to roar with laughter at smutty jokes and at innuendo and I would never pass over a good book because it’s a touch raunchy. I own every one of Jilly Cooper’s bonkbusters!
But this is different. This is me the writer writing about something extremely sensual between two of my characters. When I write love scenes between them, I would prefer to write with subtlety. As I’ve said in other places, I prefer to titillate the reader’s imagination than have undiluted erotica pouring across the page.
In order to try and establish what I feel most comfortable with and what has the most extraordinary power, I took three books off my shelves at random and found sexual scenes.
Dorothy Dunnett: To Lie with Lions.
‘He could offer no genuine love but would not insult her by taking her lightly … in her heart she would demand excitement.
He made sure she had what she wanted, and at a pace that suited the voracious girl she had been rather than what she was now. And although he never for a moment forgot the pious saint high on the wall, he acted as if it were not there. He had obtained from Tobie, without explanation, the potion that would put her to sleep, but she hardly needed it, although her lifted her at length from the floor and laid her on the bed, her breath slowing, and helped her to drink.’
Judith Koll Healey: The Rebel Princess
“‘Wife, you are soaking wet and stark naked…’ He swept me up and carried me to the bed, providing his own laughing answer. ‘Yes, it is the proper way and you, as only you would, knew the truth.’
Tossing me on the bed, he stripped his own doublet and hose with expert speed. Soon he was on me, and dust and water, fatigue and desire, mingled as we had our fill of one another, like wild animals caged too long.”
Posie Graeme Evans: The Beloved (Part Three of the story of Anne de Bohun)
“‘Speak to me. Let me hear you voice,’ he whispered into her ear as he entered her body. The shock was piercing, centred, and she felt herself tremble and melt and open around and beneath him.
‘Ah Charles, I fall apart. I split like a willow wand.’
The building pleasure was intense and she dissolved into it. Molten. It gathered and hit, dark and urgent. He moved faster, faster. Pinning her arms apart … his full weight behind his pelvis. He felt himself harder than oak inside her and she was soft…”
***
Of those three, my preference without doubt is Dunnett. It is elegant and understated and the only clue that we are about to hear about copulation is a paragraph before the above, when Dunnett wrote:
‘She also painted the tips of her beasts. Or so it now seemed.’
Almost a throwaway line. But subtlety incarnate.
And thus it was that I wrote my own sex scene for Book One of the Gisborne Saga.
Gisborne: Book of Pawns –
‘As the moon passed across the heavens outside, the trees made intricate designs on the walls of the chamber and still we were silent, our breathing the only sign we were alive and aware. His fingers traced ancient patterns down to the well at the base of my spine and I tried to decipher them as if they were runes that spelled my future. Vaguely I remembered his Irish knife and his love of the Irish ballad and it all fitted together around me so that I stretched with languid ease as he slid over me.
They say the lovers’ knot has an unbroken shape in Ireland, that it simply winds in and out, over and under in perpetuity, and that is forever how I remember the intertwining shape of this night of nights as Guy of Gisborne and I, Ysabel of Moncrieff, made love.’
***
I’m now well into Book Two and Ysabel and Gisborne are together after a long absence. My dilemma is should they grab each other and do a Graeme-Evans? Or should they repeat the quietness of my own Book One? Anyone who has read the first book will know that neither Gisborne nor Ysabel are quiescent characters. So perhaps it’s a given that even if they make love in the Dunnett-esque style, their very natures imply the level of emotion escalating inside. So that by now it might be unnecessary for them to be depicted as thrashing and moaning.
In essence for me, the emphasis is sensuality rather than sexuality and thus far I have presaged the passage in question with one sentence:
‘He slid my kaftan open, untying the neck cord so that it could fall from my shoulder…’
To continue (first draft):
‘Nothing changed.
Gisborne and I loved in silence. My hands ran over his body, finding a livid scar at his rib and knowing it was Halsham’s mark without even asking. My greedy fingers slipped across taut sinew, tracing lower. I had become bolder with age and he made no comment, re-tying the Celtic knot of almost a year before. In and out, over and under – breathing in unison, but this time eyes burning into each other’s souls until he arched and I sighed and our eyes closed simultaneously.’
***
I find it as hard to write as I did the first time. I don’t want to push the point, to labour the description, to be overtly florid, and just reading it back to myself I’m wondering if it is already too much.
Trust me, this is extremely difficult…
Prue, I think you’ve done a wonderful job – it’s tasteful, delicate and just right! Don’t second-guess yourself – I love the elegance of your description.
Thank you Alma. That’s really kind and as one of my supportive readers, I’m glad of your feedback. What did you think of the other excerpts as a matter of interest?
Pip Norman has written a thoughtful blog on the same subject. Worth reading.
http://ridiculousauthor.wordpress.com/2012/05/22/sex-sells-so-do-books
Great post and totally where my thoughts are on writing right now. I love the three different passages which give a really good overview of how love scenes are written and I think both of your scenes are really very well written. They give the reader enough to know the beauty and the excitement of what’s going on and I like the way the second scene mirrors the first but with a little more urgency. P x
Thanks Pip, your comment is appreciated. I think your friend really hit the nail on the head with her/his idea that any scene should propel the story on.
Oh, you meant that friend – Yes, she certainly did! I wasn’t sure if she wanted to be named and I’m still not sure if she even realises it’s her – Hilarious!
And M.M. Bennetts also. Another forward read on sex and how to write it. Or not. Emphasis on subtlety. A pattern is forming.
http://mmbennetts.wordpress.com/2010/07/07/sex-in-novels
Dear Mes, I feel you captured it well in the second scene. I do find the word choice of “silence” interesting. I read that as opposite of wild abandon also that there are still secrets ; emotionally or actually as part of the plot.
Personally I feel if a writer captures the tension leading up to the scene, sometimes the scene itself can be skipped when the feeling after is written sensuously.
Secrets are implicit in the story on gisborne. He is utterly a man of secrets, so I’m glad you picked up on that. Well done and underlines what I must keep remembering myself.
I’m not a writer, Prue, but I’m an eager reader of your beautiful tales just because of your style. We’ve discussed this before and you know what I think: I agree with and definitely appreciate your point of view. From an ordinary reader’s point of view, I can assure you that even only hinting at erotica your love scenes are highly erotic. They are poetic, vibrant and, skillfully involving the reader’s five senses, so emotional. I can reassure you that’s enough to make our heart beat faster and our blood pressure go up. And that what has just happened to me reading your love scene from Book II. You have increased the rate of intimacy between the two lovers. They can’t be as shy as they were the first time.
Thanks for making us part of your incredible journey towards/through the creation of your fascinating worlds and characters. MG
Maria, your advice is always worthy and considered because the scope of your reading is so immense. Thank you so much for commenting.
I can say nothing that hasn’t already been said, for I most definitely agree with Alma and Maria.
It also reflects how I’d prefer to read such a scene. Sensuality and innuendo trump explicit sex in my reading, and preferably in my writing.
:} Cathryn
I think, Cathryn, after reading the multiple comments on English Historical Fiction Authors on Facebook, that you are in the majority. But it is the readers’ opinions that matter most and it seems many of them feel the exact same way.
Less is more.
Thank you. That’s very nice to know. Now I jsut need to perfect my ability to write it as well as you have. :}
I, too, preferred Dunnett’s description, Prue. I don’t know if you’ve ever read any of Dick Francis’ books (he was a Champion Jockey for the Queen Mother at one time) and turned to writing wonderfully exciting books. He always set the scene and left the rest to one’s imagination… Much better than some of those ghastly sex manuals you come across! Yes, some romance novels are beautifully written, (and stir a yearning in an oldie’s heart!!) but I truly prefer the way you write your love scenes, especially in the historical genre you use. So, carry on the good work you are doing, girl!
I’ve read lots of Francis, Alma. He is a favourite when I am at the beach, and he relates the low side of the racing world so perfectly. Exciting? I’ll say.
But yes, you are right. He’s completely and perfectly subtle and how nice it is!
Thank you for the support: it’s appreciated.