Diverting grief…
I haven’t blogged much lately as you can see if you look back.
Part of the reason is Mum’s passing, and working one’s way through life with Grief sitting on the shoulder does tend to take up time…
So does sifting through an estate. One’s mind is on so many other things that the simple act of being creative really just doesn’t cut it. Being creatively writerly that is…
Because that requires mental dedication and one’s brain is a little bit occupied.
I’ve found that embroidery is soothing, requiring no great brainpower, but like meditation, redirecting one’s brain into gentler thoroughfares.
The other thing that I’ve been doing is building on the framework of my tiny new city garden. Spring has shown me that it’s getting there, that the perennials are starting to expand and the annuals are filling in the gaps with showy brilliance.
White hellebores…
White tulips…
Black tulips (sold as black but really magenta – damn it!)…
Dwarf Japanese maples coming into leaf…
The birdhouse untenanted…
Clematis busting (I was so worried about this one as it was on its last legs at House but I transplanted it and it seems to be thriving)…
Climbing roses (white) behind their protective armour against possums…
The top of our old farm windmill with Huldane and Arctic Queen clemmies climbing up…
Fairy Magnolia just planted…
White primroses very happy in front of a fledgling white hebe hedge…
Weeping silver pear coming into blossom…
Lawn in front of the house in need of a mow…
Bank at front entrance to the row of little townhouses in bloom…
Dog photo-bombs the Manchurian Pears…
Ah, sometimes, the gentler things in life are indeed the staff of life.
Grief is a diabolical fiend, who sneaks up upon you, cuts you off at the knees, then flees. He leaves you alone for a while, allows the wounds to begin to heal, then rips them open again. I lost my beloved husband in 2002, and to this day, I can’t shake Grief loose. He has less of a hold on me, but sometimes-a song, the way the light plays through the trees, a certain look on my 15 yr old son’s face, or one of his mannerisms that are so reminiscent of Ray-and I am knocked down again. But Love, ah, Love-Love wins every time, because I allow myself to be cleansed by it, allow Love to wash over me, to renew and refresh the wonder of it, of Ray, of the child WE made through Love- and I can get through that moment, that hour, that day. Grief isn’t as sharp any longer, because Love has dulled his edges and weakens him daily. It is evident that you have Love on your side, as well. Lean on Love. Learn from Love how to weaken Grief, perhaps even vanquish him. Precious memories, peaceful times, acts and actions that calf your soul, and Laughter-all help drive Grief away. Love and Laughter can do so very much, and combined with the Beauty you have in your garden-these weapons will help you win! I wish you Peace and Grace when Grief is trying to tear you down.
Oh Judi, I am so sorry for your own loss. You have encapsulated Grief perfectly. That said, we all have to go through it in our lives, often more than once. You can’t fight it, can you? Worst thing to do. I tend to just let it wash over me at the time, doing what it must. I cry, I feel a bit wooly, but that’s the way it has to be just now. In it’s own way, it reminds you of a loved one which is kind of nice.
There is an old Buddhist or Taoist saying I love – ‘Don’t bend the river…’ or in common parlance, I suppose: ‘Go with the flow.’ That’s what I try to let myself do. Just float. Gardening and embroidery are part of the floating. Writing not so much, but then I’ve given myself permission to take my time with that.
Thank you so much for revealing the side of grief that experienced and for your wise words.
Sorry- that should be CALM you soul, not CALF your soul…
🙂
You are a true artist, Prue. Bringing life to your garden and joy to us all 🙂 Thank you for sharing your pics.
Mandy, thank you. I know you and I are sharing one of life’s hardest experiences just now. I hope the pics helped you, just a little…
You’re going through your grief in the most beautiful way possible, anyway. Those flower and tree pictures are incredibly lovely and calming. I think spring will carry you with it.
Pat, i think the soft visuals of gardening as well as the hard yakka required to make a garden, and the bird sounds, the breeze whispering. It all helps. I think you are right. Spring will carry me to summer and I think summer will be the thing that will ease the pain. That and wearing Mum’s red swimsuit…
Dear Prue, I think you have done so well, Grief is a strange thing and it can also creep up unawares when you are least expecting it too. I think you just have to get through it the best way for you we are all different and things like the garden being memories of both the past and the future. your mum will be with you always and I’m sure you will think of her at times and have a wee smile and not always tears.
It all takes time to some to terms with, and there is no time limit, its whatever is right for the person grieving. take care my friend and sending loving hugs to you xx
Libby, you are so right. Grief creeps up. One day you’re fine, the next day – not so much. And what I have found is that one functions fine initially. But then the numbness wears off and one has to face the loss and sadness. There is no way to avoid it and one shouldn’t try to fight it. That much I know from other sad times in my life. Time, so much the cliche, is what it needs. Thank you so much for your support.