The Pillowbook of Prudence…
I am prompted to write on friendship because this week above all others, I have seen the most perfect examples of it first hand. I have seen love and loyalty conspire to form a foundation of friendship so strong that even approaching death cannot break it down.
I have watched a friend of mine put herself out for someone who is in need, terminally ill and fading, and I watch with awe and affection as my friend does as much as she can to give this woman the best feelings during her last days.
I watch this friend of mine look a little tired and worn with the emotion, but I also see her shining from within and I know that our very sick friend is warmed by that glow.
And I wonder why people think that you don’t have to invest time and energy in a friendship?
If you plant a garden, will it grow well without weeding, feeding, watering and attention? No. it will become tired, rank and underappreciated. Potentially it will fade away.
On this 18th day of August I can say I am lucky. The friends I have made in this later part of my life are the kind who believe that time and affection invested will engender the same returned. The kind of friendships that thrive on regular chats, on coffee and cake, on sharing of thoughts and confidences, and on the simple act of making sure the other person is okay.
I can say I am proud to know our sick friend, she is the stuff of legend and will be missed so much by those of us who know her and have loved her companionship.
But I am in awe and proud too of my caring friends who spend so much time helping others.
It is inspirational and I consider myself blessed to be in their circle.
And as those of you who read the Pillowbook by now know, I cannot finish without commenting on people wearing funerary colours.
Whilst the weather is grey and damp outside, I am managing to avoid wearing black by finding as much blue as I can in my wardrobe, on the assumption that at the very least it will remind people of a summer’s sky.
I am touched by this post. I am so sorry for your friend, yet inspired by those surrounding her in her last days. Love and friendship is what matters when all is said and done. Not how much money you have or how many things you have. It’s the arms, the love, the affection and the way you are remembered and treated by others that truly counts when our final days arrive. This friend gave much, and she has gained much in return. All of you are blessed to have each other in your lives. Prayers to all of you that you each are guided through this difficult transition.
kford2007, thank you so much for your wonderful comments.
The inspiration has been amazing. I am a small twig in this forest of people who care. And that same woman who is ill said some time ago, ‘What’s the use of money? It can’t buy you health and love.’ The great thing about her is that she is maintaining the most incredible sense of humour, right up to even this last moment. I LOVE humour and it seriously is the best medicine!
I like your choice of color! How blessed your friend was to have such loyal and caring people around her! I’m betting she would love The Blue! 🙂
Thank you, TQ. Blue is my favourite colour as you know. And given those wonderful Kansas lupins you have mentioned on your blog, I am sure it is one of yours as well. My wardrobe is a celestial way of blue skies. I’ve no doubt that whereas once there existed The Blue Boy, I shall be The Blue Old Woman. And my friend loves blue, yes.
But this is blog post is about my exceptional friends and their ability to be there for friends in need. It’s such an old-fashioned concept, but still so utterly relevant and timeless, isn’t it?
My friend who is dying would make some appropriately humorous comment about being of service or some such, and showing us all how it’s done … and she’s probably right!
My heart goes out to your dying friend, and to those who love her. In ordinary times, it’s easy to take friendship for granted, or to think of it as a pleasant accessory to life. What must her friends mean to her now?
I drew the line at navy blue, but I still occasionally wear black for dramatic effect. How could I give up my LBD?
Pat, I think its so easy to be caught up in the pace of days, but in the end you only get one life to enjoy the quality times with good friends, don’t you? And watching what my friend’s closest friend is doing to sustain her in these last days, I can honestly say I am proud to be friends with both of them.
I always said I’d never wear navy, that it was an ‘old’ colour, but I take that back and wear shades of blue right through the spectrum!
It is a sad fact of life that sometimes one only discovers the true friends because of tragedy. They stay to support when needed most.
Some people find it hard to accept support and try to push friends away. True friends stick around.
Wishing everyone a strong group of friends. I am glad you and your friend have been lucky enough to be surrounded by such people.
True, Caro, very true. And I can say that I’m lucky to have two friends close by who would stick by me and help me in exactly the way my friend is helping our ill friend.
There are other friends of course, what my mother has always called ‘fair weather friends’. There is a place for them all in one’s life, but in my sick friend’s case, I am so glad she has far more than just ‘fair weather friends’ because she is going through the storm to end all storms.
Love this post. So true–relationships need attention and tending. And we all need a Piglet for when we’re not feeling quite Pooh.
Hooray for blue!
Thank you, Rowenna. I think the Piglets are the very special ones, aren’t they?
I’ve just made batch of my favourite hazelnut cookies and boxed them with a ribbon and shall drop them to the ‘carer’ friend. She’s doing the worrying for all of us and needs some TLC.